I would say this is a very mixed bag for me. I think at times there are moments of clarity, and I understand exactly what you're going for, and at other times, I am not sure how you want me to feel at all. Though a similarly awkward style of humor and execution is present compared to your last round, I will say, this rounds entry is refreshingly different, and I feel as though you likely took some risks with this. Though the ending left me wanting something a little more concrete, I think a lot of ideas and parts in this are great, and I hope you keep on experimenting as you go.
Honestly the critical feedback you've given me has been helpful and I really appreciate it. I really want to keep exploring more writing styles, as far as plot goes. My jokes (I think) will always be in that awkward nervous delivery, that's just my awkward nervous personality showing through my work. The pacing and delivery of a real story is something I've never really learned, or been taught by anyone. It's not something that comes so naturally to me, but hopefully something starts clicking soon. Thanks again for the critique, the honest feedback is great. I'm excited to see what you put out this round.
I think the comedy is there, but your audio quality and delivery could use a little work. I laughed at some parts but other parts were hurt by the underplayed delivery.
Haha glad I finally got some criticism on the audio. It was about time, and I know I need to suck it up and grab a better mic.
Overall I feel this was a good effort, but i've got some tips I hope will help in the future. I felt what those shadowy figures directly represented was a little unclear. I get they are anxieties or whatever, screwing her life up, but I think you need some more clarity in what exactly they were doing to her. I understand you don't want to hand feed us the message, but there were points I wasn't even sure if they shadows were supposed to be antagonizing her or helping her, and overall, they didn't come off as nearly as much of a threat as they should have if your intention was to show it drove her to suicide. As everyone else has been saying, the glorification of suicide is super weird. I don't know what you actually intended with your ending, but assuming this was an anti-suicide message. Well, the ending you had is fine I suppose, but instead of making the ending all YELLOW TRANSCENDENCE, the final shot should show the actual suicide, and perhaps the impact it may have had on everyone she knew. In part, if you made the shadowy figures more clear, this would give more power and meaning to your ending, especially if this is anti-suicide. I don't mind the glorification of suicide to simulate someone who has depression or some other similar disorder, HOWEVER, I think you should put more focus on the fact that it isn't the right answer. The final shot should definitely focus on the tragedy and not the escapism.
ANYWAYS, like I said, it was well animated and composed and I think it was a good effort. I think just work a bit more on clarify if you want to go for these deep wordless type narratives.
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